Let’s have a conversation that so often I have with wives and husbands. So many of my clients are married, many of them with children… and they ask the question: HOW CAN I BE A BETTER LEADER AT HOME? Like, how do I lead in my family? And the reason they’re asking that question is because they feel like they are not or they are willing to acknowledge that they are not leading the way that they should be. If you have ever thought that or were wondering how to take yourself to the next level in your home, I am going to answer that question.
This is the most important. This is the foundation. You do the work to become better, being an example. You’ll have to get courageous to ask the hard questions of your spouse, “Hey Honey-buns, how can I get better and be a better leader in our home?” And be brave to take that feedback and be humble to do that work. This is not an easy thing.
Serve more and serve more until you feel like you can’t serve anymore. And you’re serving more than everybody else until you get to the other side of that. And you might think to yourself, I have so much joy in serving, who am I? And my kids, they try to beat me to the punch and they are serving others without me and my wife serving me more. It becomes a part of the culture; this isn’t serving of a one-time nature. It is not an occasional effort. It is a constant intention in your home that you are going to set the standard for what it means to serve the people in your family; in the big, in the small ways, and the in-betweens.
Celebrate more, celebrate your spouse, celebrate your kids, celebrate accomplishments, and celebrate laughter. There is so much more you can celebrate, but you get the idea. Celebrate creativity, celebrate uniqueness, even when they are the exact opposite of you…
If you have got kids, do you best to catch them getting it right, far too often “no” becomes a part of our vocabulary… celebrate right moments like they are a big deal. I like to give a woohoo… if you have ever watched my youtubes or facebook videos, you have come to know this WOOOHOOO all too well. But it is what I do to celebrate: my son getting on the football team, my son when he gets an “A” on a test… my kids know it is coming and they feel celebrated!
I know, I am stepping on some toes, because you’re always right. I totally understand, they don’t see it clearly, but if you would get in the habit of apologizing more, not when it’s forced upon you… it will shift the entire atmosphere in your home. We are talking about being a better leader, right? Being a better leader doesn’t mean perfection.
I had a conversation with a client this week and his definition of leadership was that a leader does not mess up. The leader has to get it perfect all the time. And we had a beautiful conversation shifting that mindset, that leadership is truly about inspiring and bringing the best out of other people.
That’s what leadership is in your home, inspiring and bringing the best out of your family. And that means you don’t have to be perfect. It also means that when you make mistakes, you can apologize.
I had another client say, Hey I had to apologize to one of my kids. That tells me so much about someone’s character and integrity when they are quick to apologize, whether it is a child, spouse, or anyone else for that matter.
I thought about saying talk more, but that’s not necessarily going to be real conversations. That means you have to talk more, listen more, and ask more questions. Now, I am going to pick on the men momentarily, here because this might be a stereotype but for many men there is some truth here. YOU DON”T TALK ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS OR YOUR FEELINGS. It is not enough that you have thoughts and feelings, you need to let people know around you what is going on inside of your head/heart because they cannot read your mind or decide your feelings. If you want to be a better leader in your home, share your thoughts and feelings and ask questions.
When the kids are in the back seat, the spouse is in the front; you need to ask more questions, ask clarifying questions, restate, and listen deeper. Make them feel valued, honored and loved just by having this conversation with you. You want to be a better leader, be someone your family members want to have a conversation with. Make sure they feel seen, loved, heard, valued, accepted, right?
I went to an event almost four years ago and created some new rules and values for my life. And one of my new values was fun, joy, and laughter. And I wanted to bring that into all aspects of my life. And one of the rules for how I got to experience fun, joy, and laughter was so simple. Every time I tickled my kids, I get to experience fun, joy, and laughter. And I can tell you even four years later… all I have to do is reach out to one of my kids and begin to motion for tickles… they know it is coming and it has brought joy, laughter and more fun into our home. Be a leader who is not always serious and can be playful! There’s a time and place to bring more fun to your home.
Feel free to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Youtube: Mark T. Keene. You should go and check it out! It is my JOY to serve you. I hope this brought a little value to your life.
And this is where we go out there and give our greatness to the world (and our home) because somebody needs what’s on the inside of you! Go out there and give your greatness away! Love you guys and have a great day!