Who is ready to get a little bit better? If so, say “YES!”
Let’s get a little bit better. But first, I think it is safe to say every single one of us have asked this question or struggled with this concept. And even I, the “do the deep work” coach have also struggled with this question. I’m the person who helps people get clear on being powerful, enough, worthy… and even with doing work for decades, I have struggled with this. But truthfully, we don’t get to check the box and say, Oh, I have arrived. We don’t graduate from this work.
Here’s the question: How do I overcome inadequacy? Have you ever felt that feeling of being not enough, less than qualified, unworthy? There is a lot of language we can put around it, but how do we overcome it?
And I am going to be honest, I am coming at you with the spiritual principles today because I am grounded in my faith framework. So, I am going to give you a bit of Jesus today. You don’t have to believe what I believe, but this is my core in how I overcome inadequacy. Maybe this will serve you, even if you have a different framework you might be able to grab some principles.
How do I overcome inadequacy?
I have got to know my source. I’m going to read you a verse from Habakkuk 3:19 out of the amplified and it says, The Lord GOD is my strength [my source of courage, my invincible army]; He has made my feet [steady and sure] like hinds’ feet And makes me walk [forward with spiritual confidence] on my high places [of challenge and responsibility].
I have struggled with inadequacy since middle school in a heavy, heavy way. I was that chubby, insecure, loud, trying to overcompensate kid trying to walk around the school and look cool. BUT you know when you try to walk and look cool… you don’t look cool at all, it doesn’t work. Inadequacy, feeling unworthy and not being enough; I have lived there. I have a twin brother who is awesome, my built-in best friend from birth and he was amazing in my childhood. And there is this narrative that I had in my head since where I would never measure up to him.
Sharing this, I am just trying to help you realize that this inadequacy (these feelings of not being worthy, not enough), I have lived there in milestones in my life where I had to come to a place and expose the lie that I was not enough. There were layers, first of not feeling not enough and then feeling like you’ll never be enough. I lived there for years. The shift came when I realized the source of my worth did not come from my performance, my goodness, my perfection, my abilities to serve or add value, to have the right answers, be the smartest, coolest, or fittest… none of those things could give me the lasting feeling of worth.
For me I had to come to a point where I had to know my source. And for me that source is being a Child of God. Jesus is my Lord and Savior and He loves me, not because of anything I do. He loves me because that is His character. He loves me just the way I am and that makes me enough.
My source of knowing I am adequate is not my ability to perform better than anybody else, to make more money better than anybody else, to be a better husband or dad than anyone else… like nothing. If you want to overcome inadequacy, you will not overcome inadequacy permanently in a sustainable way with anything outside of yourself because you can’t control all the external factors. It will not sustain me because at some point it may not last. So for me, and I dare say for you, you’ve got to find some way to look within yourself or some way to tap into a higher power that can stamp you as adequate.
Some of you, it’s enough for you to say, I’m breathing, I’m alive. That makes me enough. Grab that. Take hold of that. You inherently have worth. I believe you, no matter who you are, there is worth on the inside of you. You don;t have to have my faith, you don’t have to do anything, you are enough. Your worth is within you. Now for me, I say my worth is within me and that is because I am His. He (God) loves me just the way I am and that makes me enough.
How do I overcome inadequacy? Number one, you got to know your source. What’s your source? If it is external, it is going to fail. But if you find the source on the inside that says I am adequate from within, my worth comes from within. I am qualified to take up space because I am enough. I am loved.
What do you mean surrender?
If I am trusting, this still goes to the external… if I am trusting in myself alone… let me ask you, have you ever let yourself down? Has anyone ever failed themselves? Is anybody out there good at beating their brains out because you just didn’t get it right? Or maybe you beat yourself up because you didn’t do the thing you said you were going to do because you fell back into that thing you’d never do again. You fell right back into repeating the negative cycles. You let people down, you hurt the people that you love.
We are so good at trying to trust in ourselves or trust our ability… and that goes to external factors, our source being outside of us. And why number two matters so much. I’ve got to surrender. And here’s my language for that, I’ve got to be surrendered to God. I have got to be surrendered to Him.
Romans 14:17 TPT
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of rules about food and drink, but is in the realm of the Holy Spirit, filled with righteousness, peace, and joy.
It is not about rules and regulations, it is not about do’s and don’ts. It is in the realm of the Holy Spirit filled with righteousness, peace and joy for the Kingdom of God. That’s where it starts. If you are going to be in the Kingdom, the Kingdom has a King. And if you want to be operating in the Kingdom, you are going to be surrendered to the Lordship of the King. Because the King has ultimate authority, we don’t have that in America, so we don’t understand kingdoms in the traditional sense. So, you’ve got to be surrendered to the Lordship.
And here’s the thing, we are talking about adequacy, right? Let me bring this back to you; how do I overcome inadequacy? I realize that the peace, the joy, the fulfillment that I want on the inside is righteousness. We are talking about the right living, the right standing, the peace on the inside, the integrity alignment on the inside that I want… but if I just trust in me alone, I am going to fail me. If I trust other people to bring that to me, they’re going to fail me. If I trust external circumstances to bring that to me, they’re going to fail me.
If I want to know how to overcome inadequacy, instead of trying to achieve adequacy, I surrender to the only one that can give it to me.
You can’t make yourself adequate enough, you can’t perform high enough… at some point you’ve got to surrender and trust. If you are still reading this and you don’t share my belief system, know the principle of surrender is real for everybody. And it is because you can’t control everything. As much as we want to, we have all run into that. Some people might call it radical acceptance, releasing the outcomes.
Whatever happens, whatever will be, will be. Maybe that is a pathway for you and that’s cool. For me, if I am going to radically accept, if I am going to surrender, I kind of like a better guarantee than just releasing the outcome and surrendering.
But if I am going to surrender, I want to surrender to someone who has my best interests in mind, who loves me the way I am, that has no agenda for me except my best, right. Who doesn’t want someone who wants them to be the best version of themselves leading them? Who wouldn’t want to surrender to a higher power that had a plan to work all things for my good.
You want to be adequate, stop trying to prove it and surrender. You want to be adequate, you want to know that you’re enough… know your source. Stop trying to prove it, create it, maintain it, manufacture it… and just surrender to a God who loves you.
So if you are still reading and Christian is not a term that resonates with you, can I say this? Whether you say God or higher power or whatever, I love you. He loves you just the way you are and I have got no judgment for you. Do I believe the love of God is real and powerful and awesome and I hope you open your heart to receive that in whatever frame you want to put around it, yes. Do I believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, the life? Yes, I believe that, BUT that doesn’t mean I am going to judge you if you don’t believe the way I believe. I let God stand on His own, He doesn’t need me to fight His battles for Him. Rather, I am just a voice to remind you to maybe open a little more to the love of God because you can never perform enough, do enough to become adequate.
But it feels so good, so liberating, to know that I am enough because He is my source and I can surrender Him because he is going to have my best interests at heart.
I hope this encourages you. Take some time to journal, what jumped out from this conversation? Is there an area where you have not surrendered? Where do you need to surrender? He’s the Lord of your life but maybe not over your finances, yet. Or maybe He is over your business but not in your relationships? You get the idea. So, where do you need to surrender? Is there an area in your life where you’ve started to act like you’re your source or you are more trusting in external things for validation instead of trusting in the fact that He is your source?
I hope this encourages you and I hope that you are able to grab something from this! I love you guys. This is where you should go out there and give your greatness to the world because somebody needs what is on the inside of you, go out there and give it away. Have a great week!!