Self-Care, is it Selfish?

I’m excited to begin stirring some thoughts right now because there’s a lot of you who aren’t taking care of yourselves. You’re hustling. You’re grinding. You’re pushing hard. You’re burning the candle at both ends… I don’t care which metaphor you use because you’re doing this in your life. And it is because you believed the lie that self-care is selfish or perhaps you have told yourself to just keep going, you’re tough, you’ve got this… You believe the lie that you are invincible, that you are Superman (or Superwoman). That’s a lie. But I know you are all wondering, is self-care selfish?

Well, yes and no. Yes, because if it is all about you… well, that is selfish. But it’s not selfish because if you don’t take care of yourself, it makes it very difficult to take care of anyone else.

Self-care is not Optional, It is Essential!!

So self-care is not selfish and is absolutely 100% essential. You’ve got to choose to take care of you. And I am there with you, I have been there and done that. There was a long season where my wife always could count on me being sick towards the end of November or sometime in December because of the rhythms of life and work during that time of the year. It was because during those seasons, I would go above and beyond, waking up before the sun and staying up late to get everything done.

And she just expected it, annually… because I wasn’t taking care of myself. And there were times when I was like an emotional roller coaster because of a lack of self-care. I want to challenge you. I want to encourage you to make a decision, to take care of you because it is the most generous decision you can make for the people you love in your life. I am sure you have thought, if I take time for me… then, I’m taking time away from them. Listen, You Cannot Pour From an Empty Vessel. You’ve got to take care of you so that you can show up as the best version of yourself.

How do you do it?

How to make yourself a priority after so long of not doing it?

Identify Your Rhythms

We have all got rhythms in our lives. I prefer talking about rhythm instead of balance in life, because I think balance is a myth. You can’t really have balance in your life, there’s too many moving parts, but rhythm, I can handle because I’ve got daily rhythms, weekly rhythms, monthly rhythms, quarterly rhythms, and yearly rhythms. There’s rhythms that happen every few years. It’s just like the seasons we have summer, winter, fall and spring.

So there’s times to rest and time for work, there are rhythms to our lives. For your own self-care, I would encourage you to identify your rhythms. So let’s talk about daily and weekly rhythms. Identifying your rhythms includes your anchor habits, anchor people, and anchor places. If I am going to be healthy on a daily and weekly basis, I need to have anchors in place; my morning routine with journaling, affirmations, and visualizations. These things anchor me on a daily basis, so I don’t freak-out in the middle of the day when I’ve got a whole lot of stuff going on. Weekly anchors consist of a massage, workout, and regular masterminds. Then there are my Anchor people… my wife is my number one! And then there is my coach that I do a weekly call with. Like I said, there are also anchor places; home, church (I go there more than once a week). These are places I can be recharged.

Identify Big Tank Fillers

These are some of the monthly, quarterly and yearly things. SO what are the big tank fillers that are places that you go to? Experiences that you create? Or the people that you are going to have to take a trip to spend time with. A big tank filler for me every summer since I was a baby was going to camp with my family. I have passed on this tank filler to my kids, it is like everyone’s favorite place on the planet.

For some people it is experiences like swimming with dolphins, skydiving, zip lining… adventure stuff. Maybe it is getting a cabin in the woods and just hanging out with nature. It could be playing in the dirt and planting flowers. Find what fills your tank. Don’t apologize for it, do it! I challenge you today to make a list of all the things, the activities, the places, the people or the experiences that fill YOUR TANK (not someone else’s). It took me a while to get there, to know… but one and it is kind of silly, I mentioned I do a massage almost every week now. I love it and it fills my tank and I know that. My wife, it doesn’t do it for her… but a manipedi does. It literally lights her up, she says it is the closest thing to going to the beach and having her toes in the sand.

Schedule it.

This is the BIG Kahuna! If it doesn’t get scheduled, it’s not going to get done. And so once you identify your rhythms, anchors, and what fills your tank… you have got to schedule it as often as possible in advance. My morning routine, it’s locked in and on my calendar. And what I need to do on a weekly and monthly basis, it is on the calendar, too!! Those trips with friends or your significant other, if you don’t put it on the calendar… It’s not going to happen.

Let’s be honest, we all went through the last year with the pandemic, the covid year and we learned some lessons! We know that tomorrow is promised to no man and we have no idea what is going to happen next week. So if you’ve got the opportunity right now to get it on the calendar and do it: MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY AND FILL YOUR TANK! Because when you’re full, you can pour out of the overflow into other people’s lives. And you are going to make a difference in huge ways. You’re going to live with more fulfillment and joy. You’re going to accomplish the destiny, the purpose for which you were placed on this planet.

So self-care, is it selfish? Heck NO. It is essential for you to be and do everything you’re called to be. I hope that you were able to grab hold of something. Comment below and tell me what you are going to do this week to fill YOUR Tank?

Some of you are like, I don’t even know what fills my tank because you’ve never given yourself permission to identify those things and then to put it on your calendar. Okay? So I challenge you. Take time, identify this stuff, identify your rhythms, and then put it on the calendar. This is where we go out there and give our greatness to the world because somebody needs what’s on the inside of you! But listen if your tank is empty, you can’t give anything. Don’t lead on an empty tank. I love you all! Have a great day!