I have had a bunch of conversations lately that center around encouragement in a specific area… but first in case you didn’t know, I am an encourager. I have been since I can remember people have told me since I was in middle school. And I get a lot of opportunities for that… coaching, pastoring but there’s been one area in particular where the encouragement has been focused. And it is when people feel alone, like no one else can understand, nobody else is going through what I’m going through. But I’ve been there… have you been there? I think all of us have been there.
What do you do when you feel like you are all alone? What are we supposed to do when we feel like no one can help and no one is there or you’re not getting the support you need. I know some of you know that it is not true, but I guarantee that all of us have felt isolated. And there’s this pressure to solve it ourselves. Here are three quick thoughts on feelings of aloneness.
- You Must Face Reality
If you feel like you’re all alone, here’s a piece of wisdom… face reality. I say this all the time, the quickest way to change is to face reality. So I want to encourage you; you might feel alone, you might feel like there is no one there, you might feel like there’s not a soul supporting you. FACE REALITY because if you really get truly honest, you’re not alone. You’ve got to face reality and realize you have got people in your life.
In fact, here’s what I would encourage you to do and it is very practical. Make a list of all the people in your life who love you, who care about you, who want you to succeed. Maybe make a list of the people who just in the last week have spoken a kind word to you, maybe it was something as simple as a text to check in on you.
Basically, it doesn’t matter who you are, you are not alone. Stop acting like you are alone because you are not. There are people in your life who love you. And you have just got to remind yourself that they are there. some of them you might not have talked to in a while but I bet if you called them right now they would sit, they would listen and they would encourage.
Some of you even have someone like me whose default is encouragement. Every time you walk away from them, you feel better. Like you don’t need to call them for money or to fix anything. You need to talk or vent.
You are not alone. Face reality. YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.
- You Must Be Vulnerable
You must be vulnerable with the right people, don’t go around telling everybody your business. Don’t do that, but be vulnerable with the right people. Tell the right people when you are feeling like you are alone.
If you face reality, you strip it of its power, right? You hold it up to the light. Telling the right people that you are feeling alone, isolated, overwhelmed, like you can’t do it on your own will bring that light to the situation and they will encourage you to keep going, to know that you are not alone.
Stop trying to put this act on like you’ve got it all together. You have got to be vulnerable with the right people. I know I keep saying it, but you have got to understand how important it is. I heard T.D. Jakes give a talk about three kinds of people in your life:
- Comrade: they are against what you are against, so as long as you’re aligned and you’re against the same thing. If that is the case, then they are on your team. like pretty good to have around.
- Constituent: somebody that’s for what you are for. Unlike that Comrade who is against… These are for the same ideas, etc. They can bring strength and help you get some stuff done.
But when you are in this place of loneliness… you don’t need a comrade, you don’t need a constituent… you need the third.
- Confidant: They are for you, not because you give anything to them or they get anything from you… they are just for you. They care about you and those people are special in our lives. So when I say to be vulnerable with the right people, I am talking about these people that are going to love you in your worst moment, in your best moment, will celebrate you and will not leave you. They are the kind of people that aren’t going to get offended and not talk to you again. They love you still and they will make sure you know it is going to be okay.
Some of you know you’re blessed if you have a confidant in your life… some of you have a handful. Talk to them and get vulnerable.
- Tell the Truth and Get Some Help
This is for many the hardest one. Some of you ain’t telling the truth, you are hiding the truth. Some of you are acting like you have got it all together. Some of you are acting like things are going great and your social media shows it. And then at night, you’re not sleeping because you’re freaking out about whatever is going on.
And if you’ve been there, you need to ask for some help. I’ll share a story with a friend this week that totally shifted perspective. I have one particular friend, who is a confidant, he is one of those rare gifts, someone who became my friend as an adult. And our friendship is so deep. And I know that he is one of my confidants because when either one of us is in a low place, we are there for each other. I remember a time when I couldn’t pay my bills and I needed to make sure my utilities didn’t get turned off and that I could take care of my family… I went to him, “Bro, can you help me out this week?” and you know what, we have continued to do that kind of stuff with one another because he is my confidant.
If they are a true confidant, if they care about you, they will make it easy and it will not hinder your relationship. It will actually take your relationship deeper, strengthen your relationship, and build more trust. I’m not saying you need to be asking everyone for money and stuff but what I am saying is ask for help.
You’re not alone. Ask for help. And there’s people who right now, with those feelings of loneliness, maybe some other problems… and you have got some people in your lives who could help with that, who you are robbing the opportunity to serve you and to help you. It would bring them joy to be able to help you in your time of need.
So let go of your ego and get some help. That’s some truth and some reality for you today! I want you to know you’re not alone and you have yet to face reality. Get vulnerable with the right people and ask for help! You don’t have to have all the answers or do this all by yourself.
I challenge you to get done reading this blog and start to make a list of all the people in your life that prove that you are not alone. Maybe you need to be vulnerable and stop isolating yourself so that you can let some people know what you are going through right now.
I hope this served you, I love you people and know that you are not alone! We might not be on a first name basis here, but if you send me a message, I will respond to you and I will encourage you!
Now go out there and give your greatness to the world because somebody needs what is on the inside of you! Don’t get crazy in your head or isolated into failure… the world needs the true greatness that is on the inside of you, so go out there and give it away!