Why Don’t I Have What I Want?!

Who’s ready to get a little bit better?! If so, you should shout, “YES!” Come on! Wherever you’re at right now! Just for fun! Let’s do this! 

Okay, so let’s answer a question: Why don’t I have what I want? 

Have you ever felt that way? Like, man, I want that! Why don’t I have that?  I’ve wanted that for a long time. So why? Why haven’t I created that? Why don’t I have the success that I want? Why don’t I have the relationship that I want? Why don’t I have the marriage that I want? Why don’t I have the Monday that I want? Why don’t I have the body that I want? That physique? Why? Why don’t I have the fulfillment that I want? 

Why don’t I have what I want? 

Well, that’s a big question. I can’t answer that with one explanation. Let me give you three reasons why you don’t have what you want and then we’ll flip it to a few questions we can ask ourselves to get what we want. Does that sound good? Let’s do this! 

So, reason number one why you don’t have what you want is this: 

You’re not clear about what you want. 

You ask, why don’t I have what I want? But if I ask you to articulate, with clarity, a vision of what you want, you don’t have the clarity! You’ve got more of a wish and a prayer about what you want than a clear vision of what you want! 

Clarity is power. 

And if you don’t have clarity, you are never going to get what you want. Guess what? I want you to get what you want! But before you can get what you want, you need to know what you want. You’ve got to get crystal clear. 

So maybe you’re talking about a specific area. What do you want in your business? 

“I want to make more money.” 

Great! So the saying goes that if you ask the universe for what you want, you’ll get it…but ask clearly! Because if you ask for more money and you get a dollar, you just got more money, right?! 

Get clear about what you really want.  I don’t just want my business to “be successful.” That’s great but what the heck does that mean? I don’t just want to “grow my business.” That’s not clear. 

I want to hit X number of revenue by X date. I want to have a team of X number of people. I want to  be ranked number one in these categories in my industry. I want my face on the cover of the magazine in our industry. And I want people coming to me organically because we market better than anybody else in the world. That’s what I want. 

Oh my gosh! That’s a whole lot clearer than, “I want to grow” or “I want to  be successful.” You’ve got to get clear about what you want. 

Okay, some of you single folks…let me talk to you for a second. Why don’t you have what you want? Because you don’t know what you want! Get clear. Write it down! Before I met my wife, I had a list. There were two lists, actually: negotiables and non-negotiables. I listed out the non-negotiables like, she’s got to have this, this, this and this. Right? Non-negotiables such as: she’s got to be aligned spiritually with me, she’s got to be growth-minded, she’s got to be attractive to me. All these were non-negotiables for me. But blonde or brown hair – these are negotiables! I mean, if you love fantasy football and you’re like, “Man, it’d be awesome if my someone loved fantasy football!”  Come on! These are negotiables. So make sure you know what your non-negotiables are and your negotiables are and get clear about what you want. Well that was completely off script but some of you need to get clear about what you want in relationships or what you want in your marriage! 

What do you want in your health? What do you really want? I have a 13-year-old son who loves the game of basketball. We currently have a little bet going. It’s just a little wager about who’s going to dunk a basketball first. So what do I tell myself? 

I am fit and strong. 

My body is bulletproof. 

I dunk with ease and I shoot better than ever. 

These statements are in my daily affirmations! I do them every single morning. Now, my twin brother heard about this bet with my son and was like, “Hey, you know, you remember your history with dunking, don’t you?” And I was like, what does he mean? Did I hurt myself or something? But no, he was  like, “YOU’VE NEVER DONE IT!”  But you know what? I am clear. I don’t want to touch the backboard. I don’t want to touch the rim. I don’t want to hit the net. I don’t want to have a good game. I want to freaking dunk a basketball! I’ve never done it on a regulation rim but I’m going to. You know why? Because I got clear about what I want. 

So what do you want? Do you want to be able to bench a certain amount? Do you want to be X weight? Do you want to be able to feel good in certain clothes? What do you want? Get clear about what you want! So, reason number one why you don’t have what you want is because you aren’t clear about it. 

Reason number two, and this is huge, is this: 

Your thoughts and your words don’t match what you say you want. 

Your thoughts and your words don’t match. You say you want X, but you are shooting yourself in the foot with self-sabotaging language. You say you want money, but then you get frustrated every time you talk about money, or maybe you don’t even like to talk about money at all. You’ve got this love/hate thing going on. That’s not serving you at all. You say you want a relationship, but then you’re always making smart cracks like, “Women are so much drama!” Or if you’re a gal, you’re saying, “Oh, men never listen!” Hold on. You said you wanted a man that listens to you so why are you saying men don’t listen? Stop that! Your words and your thoughts are not lining up. You’ve got to get in alignment with what you want. 

So the second reason you don’t have what you want is because your thoughts and your words don’t match. So you’ve got to get clear about what you want first and then you’ve got to get your thoughts and words in alignment with what you want. Stop self-sabotaging yourself. Stop having these contradictions. You can’t say I want this, but speak and think the opposite. And by the way, you might need a little help, either through coaching, some deep work, a community – maybe a mastermind! Because you’re not going to be able to see your contradictions on your own. The reason you’re  stuck in contradiction is because you’re not even aware of it. You’re not conscious of it. Rarely does a mastermind call go by that someone on the call (not always me!) doesn’t say, “Oh! Hold up! What’d you just say?  No, we don’t talk like that! Not here!”  We don’t talk that way because you’re contradicting yourself with what you really want. 

That brings us to the third reason that you don’t have what you want:

Your actions don’t match what you want. 

Your actions don’t match. The simplest way to sum this one up: Faith without works is dead! It’s dead, people! You can’t say you want X and not do anything. 

There’s a really popular book that came out a little while ago called The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. It’s all about the law of attraction and there’s actually some good stuff in there that makes sense. But my problem with the book is that it’s only one side of the equation. I believe you’ve got to get clear about what you want and line up your thoughts and words, but then you better figure out what your part is to manifest that into your life. What are you going to do to get into action? What are you going to do to create what you want? I mean, are you just going to wait for your special someone to drop out of the sky? Or are you going to get yourself in some social environments, maybe sign up for one of those online dating services? What are you doing to get in alignment with what you really want to bring action to manifest it? There is always something that is your part. Attract it. Great. Good. Awesome. But what are you going to do? 

So let’s bring this into a little bit of a summary. How can you get what you want? Let’s flip that question. You need to be able to answer these three questions with really good answers:

● What do I want? 

I’m just repeating and  summarizing for you here. If you can answer the question, “What do I want?” with absolute clarity and conviction, then it should not be a one sentence response. This is a question where you must be able to say, I’ve journaled about it. I’ve had conversations about it. I’ve got a vision board up about it. Get clear about what you want because when you get clear, all of a sudden, a whole lot falls into place. 

If you are a fan of the book The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho (I love that book!), then you will remember that there’s a principle in the book that he talks about. When you begin to pursue your personal legend, all of the universe begins to conspire on your behalf to make it happen. So pursue your personal legend, get clear about what you want. Begin to think about what you were put on this planet to do. What were you put here to do? What is your destiny? When you get clear about what your destiny is, things begin to happen that you can’t explain. But you’ve got to get clear. You’ve got to get clear. 

● Am I thinking and speaking what I want consistently?

Some of you went to some personal development event or you listened to some guru and you walked through this exercise about vision. There’s a gap between where I am and where I want to be. And so you’ve got this vision of where you want to be, but the gap is where you’ve got to do the work, right? And so when you’re doing the work, you can’t just go to that event and do that one exercise and then be like, “Oh yeah! I got clear about my vision and never have to think about it again! Never have to speak about it again!” 

No! I’m telling you: DAILY AFFIRMATIONS! Okay, that could be a whole other conversation, but I speak out what I want every day. And guess what? I’m creating it. It’s manifesting in my life! And I’ve been doing that for about the last seven years. I’ve been doing those consistently. And because I think it and speak it consistently, I get to create it in my life. 

So be able to answer that question with a resounding YES! You want to  be able to say yes, I am thinking and speaking what I want consistently, with absolute confidence. Yes, I’m thinking that and I’m speaking that consistently out over my life. 

● What am I doing? 

This is the intentionality question here, right? How are you bringing intentional action to create, to manifest what it is that you actually want? Because you can get clear on it and you can speak it and think it, but if you aren’t getting your tush into gear and doing whatever your part is to create it, then you’ll just be spinning your wheels. 

I mean, I’m all about faith. When you have faith and you start releasing it, you start confidently expecting, there are things that will happen that’s above your pay grade! Okay. But there’s always going to be a component that is your part. I believe God does miracles. I believe God can do things that I can’t do, but there is always going to be my part, too. How do I cooperate with God? (Some of you would say with the universe.) How do I cooperate? And what is my part? 

So if you can answer those three questions really well, one with the resounding yes and the other two with good explanations, you are on your way to getting what it is you want! I challenge you to write those questions down: What do I want? Am I thinking and speaking it consistently? What am I doing?/ What are my actions? If you can, answer those through journaling. Take some time this week, set some time apart for it. Because if you don’t get clear, you’re not going to be able to get what you want. And I want you to get it! I want you to have it all because I want you to be able to leverage your life, to make a difference in the world. I want you to be able to enjoy the journey. If you’re not willing to do a little bit of work to create that, come on! I don’t know who said this first, but most people spend more time planning a summer vacation than they do getting clear about and planning their own life! This is the kind of work that helps you get clear about your life and what you’re creating. 

So I hope this served you. What’s your takeaway? I would love to hear your takeaways from this so please send them my way! This is where we wrap up and you go out there and give your greatness to the world, because somebody needs what’s on the inside of you! Don’t hold it back! Go give it away! I love y’all.